Monday, March 31, 2008

Chocolate Cannot Compare

Endorphins my arse.

I really miss the feelings that overwhelm you with the slow realiasation that you're falling for that certain someone.

BAH. Why is it that Toms, Dicks and Henriettas everywhere are falling in love right, left and center? is it that easy? is it?

'It can't be.'

I mean the very act of FALLING for someone is so hard for me, never mind whether "the chosen one"(lol) happens to reciprocate.

whoever i end up liking should damn well be honoured. LOL.

i'd like to blame this episode on my impending period, a cocktail of hormones and the whole she-bang but i'd just be lying.

haha. emo-ing sial, someone slap me.
gotta jet.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Where hope floats..

this picture of my 'rents cheered me up alot.

thank God i have parents with sense of humours, albeit in varying degrees and kinds. :P

it's this kind of shot that, for a fleeting but precious moment, allows cynicism to sink into the murky depths your being and for hope to resurface- greeting the sunlight that it very rarely ever sees.

hmmm.. sounds like algea to me.


On a side note:
Justin your chatbox hates me.

I just turned 22. Thanks to all my babes who went out of their way to constantly remind me how old i am -_-""... on facebook and through smses.
yenny: babe! thanks for the quirky, delicious bday cake and having the good taste for picking out a present that's so ME. i love it!
shau fun: Woman! thanks for the wake up call from sg! even tho ur busy with work and stuff
justin: Boey! thanks for your 26 Ringgit call man. LOL

and guess who, or more appropriately what, turned up to greet me a great, big happy 2-2?
A ginormous pimple on the area where my right sideburn would've been had i been born a male. It hurts like __*insert expletive of choice here*__!!

great to see my body disagreeing with my age -_-""

crap i hope i dont end up having like, adult acne..

Am loving the increasing drama on Malaysian Dreamgirl! Thank God im not alone in thinking Cindy's freaky, nationless accent is nothing short of annoying.
Oohh and im loving Hanis's interaction with the camera! she's unpretentious and fast becoming less self-conscious when in the spotlight.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

It was supposed to be an email to my mother..

.. then it turned into a good two paragraphs of ranting.

SO i decided to put it here instead of clicking the 'send' button.

what started as a reply to my mom's email:

yea i might check it out... thinking of applying for a summer internship with Centrica.. a gas company..prospects quite good, if you overlook the fact that it really has nothing to do with my course :P hahaha its more to chemical and mechanical..but as my course is mechanical based i thought: why the heck not? i mean its less intimidating than applying for an aerospace company.. geez mom i dont think i have wht it takes to be in aerospace...these ppl are HARD CORE..and im just some confused student who had to pick some course to get a degree..SIGH.

sometimes it feels like im stuck on an oarless dinghy, my fate determined by the fickle wind.

hahaha..drama queen

ended up being a rant on how confused and miserable i was:

sometimes it feels like i know where im going, or have an idea at least but im not entirely sure if thats where i want to go. So much so that, both my mind and body are united in their fight against my current direction by physically representing it as the dreaded sin: SLOTH. i am so lazy now, it's like i've lost my fear. My fear of failing, of not getting a good mark on an exam. There is no more fear and because of that i am totally lost. Kiasuness counts for something you know, it brings a sense of purpose, a direction. Well that's if you dont question what exactly you are doing and why. Then kiasuness will do you just fine. If not, if suddenly you wake up and realise that you have lost your kiasuness, your fear... well it feels like you were a pre-programed robot. You had a goal, an objective and then suddenly before you could complete it, someone cruelly reboots your motherboard. Reformats everything and forgets to input a new system, like a fully functioning computer without Windows XP home edition.

its funny i used the word 'cruel' instead of 'liberating'. I guess thats the difference between the asian and western way of thinking. It's a well known notion that the western world encourages their young to think, to question for THEMSELVES. No mindless zombies in classrooms getting fed with textbook info because "thats just the way it is". Well this isnt entirely true as the classrooms in UK are increaingly becoming like the ones in Malaysia. The opressor mimicking the oppressed? Well that's one giant leap backwards for mankind.

Why the heck did i want a challenge? I always make things difficult for myself. I wanted to play with the big boys. The men. I wanted to beat them at their own game. I wanted a CHALLENGE. Well good then Tsuen, cos now you're up to your ears in shit challenges.

shit shit shit.


You know, im sick of looking around and seeing ppl not questioning. Because then that makes it a norm. And because a norm silently bullies you into submission. And i am suffocating and struggling here, because i followed a norm and NOW, i dont want to anymore.

We like to convince ourselves everyday, that this is where we want to be, this is what we want to be doing or rather, that we have no choice. Our grandparents did it, our parents did it and now we are supposed to do it. Because idealism certainly does not put food on the table now does it?

Damn you Eve, for eating that apple.

sigh. ok so now how do you tell people who look up to you that you have no clue?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

A daughter's honest words


MY DAD who thinks his cooking will take him places,
The man whose lame jokes are always met by four blank faces,
Who likes to use his heavy lidded eyes to create a funny frown,
Another silver strand i see, slowly taking up stake on his jet black crown.
(With help from chemicals ;p)

MY DAD who would have you know his year of birth is wrong,
The man is as vain as the night is long,
Who dislikes being idle and prides himself on being a DIY handyman,
And trying to get the other four to help is like searching for crop in a barren land.
(In my defense, i do help when i like can.)

MY DAD who childishly gamely fights for the remote controls with his 3 children,
The man who thinks we don't know where he's kept the ASTRO card hidden,
Who has since canceled ASTRO and proceeded to hog the internet access,
A scene i'm glad i'm not home to witness.

MY DAD whom i miss very much,
The man i'm reminded of by seemingly insignificant things though we remain out-of-touch,
A phrase here, a character trait there,
My friends sometimes strike familiar chords of a father's care.

MY DAD has the most appaling hand-writing,
The man i would most cartainly not give up for a Uhm Tae Woong* sighting,
Who throughout the years has taught me what he knows,
He tirelessly persists in explaining just whatthehell is economics even as my impatience shows.

MY DAD has an unrelenting standard when it comes to posture and grammar,
The man whose idea of himself is of one whom females can't help but clamour,
Who passed on his love for horror and gore,
Another Daddy? Hell no, i couldn't ask for more.
(Just don't ask me this when he's in the middle of a nag, with me being on the receiving end)

* korean actor
I watched Armageddon just recently (i know im slow la, but Deep Impact was enough to satisfy my doomsday motion picture needs ok)

Anyhoo, Liv Tyler's character's dad and fiance were sent on a death mission.

and there was this scene where it was either the dad or the lover who got left behind to detonate the bomb. The dad scarificed himself in the end for his daughter's happiness.

But if i were her and put in such a desperate situation as that but got to actually choose who stayed back on the asteroid (effectively ending his life) i'd choose the fiance. Sorry, my logic is that i only have one father, but i will always have another shot at love. To this my boss would say: Tsuen, means you've never been in love la.

Apparently according to his thoeries i'm too practical to fall desperately in love, you know the kind where all-rationale-goes-down-the-toilet-kinda-love.



isn't it comforting to know that your eldest would rather choose to keep you over her future fiance if ever a ginormous asteroid was on a collision course towards earth?
Although you can never trust a fickle woman's words while she's single. LOL

much love,